i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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