I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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