Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
