you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
