Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
