woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
