I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
