If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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