Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
