She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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