I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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