you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
