ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
