I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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