You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize