I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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