i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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