Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
