omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
