I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.