Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT