When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?