And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again