four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish