Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
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You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?