If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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