i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
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found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?