I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize