I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
