he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
