if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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