eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
