he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
