i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
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FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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