Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
