Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
