i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
