I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
