Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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