Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
