it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
