I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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