I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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