We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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