You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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