i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
