you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
