Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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