After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
