so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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