I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
