Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
