Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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