____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
