Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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