Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
