Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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