about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
