I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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