Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
