somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
