Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
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3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
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So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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