We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
