dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
