You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My hand turned me down
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
