YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
