i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
