my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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