I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
