nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
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thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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