i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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