I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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