haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
