Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
