Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
