hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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