He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
